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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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