How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
