i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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