No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
