WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I believe in your delicious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
