I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
