If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
