I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
