Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
