he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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