just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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