he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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