I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
