So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
