i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
