We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
