I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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