cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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