i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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