I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
