Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
