May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
