I'm lost and stupid without you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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