She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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