i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
