I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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