hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize