Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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