In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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