Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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