Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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