I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
