did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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