I can tuck mytits in my pants
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
