sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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