I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
