Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She bit a glass in half.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
