Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
