His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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