His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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