At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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