Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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