dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
