Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
