your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
