You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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