I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
