I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
