It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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