I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
