omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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