i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
