I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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