plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
