Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
