We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
