Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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