mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
