he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize