How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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