We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he thought i was a dude.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
