is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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