a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
