I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
