Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
