It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
