i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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