have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
