Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
