if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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