im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
