How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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