I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
