I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
