you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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