Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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