I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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