u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
