After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
