sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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